urbnwild: 2016

outfit journal no.1

Something that I think might become a regular over here on URBNWILD. I wanted to share a bit about my week and what I wore too!! Let me introduce you to the outfit journal. All clothes info can be found in the description on the youtube video.

Friday, 21 October 2016 Comments: 0

D&M

how to end a toxic relationship

What we are really talking about is how to break up with a friend. I think part of growing up is realising where you want to spend your time and who you want to spend it with. Because as much as we would like to have more of it there is only a limited supply. And as much as we want to pick some humans and out of safety stick with them for our 80 year on this earth everyone is different. And everyone takes different paths.

There are good friendships and relationships. Really good ones you guard with your heart. And then there are toxic ones. Ones where you feel like less that yourself, feel manipulated or leave feeling drained (among other things). Looking back on things I have experienced a fair few toxic relationships in my time. But I've never fully understood them or taking an active part in ending them. I more or less rode it like a wave.

That changed recently. The day before yesterday I went through 12 pages of google articles on ending toxic relationships. Because I realised I was holding on to so much pain and anger from a what you could call 'previous friendship'. And it was so exhausting. Though I learnt a lot through my google search there just wasn't an article which gave me a step by step how to in the way I wanted. And the simple reason for that is because there is no easy way about ending a toxic relationship. It all depends on the situations and the people involved. Deep down in your heart you will know what is right, and you'll need to follow that. But for all purposes, this is the long lengthy process at how you can go about ending a friendship that was once a major part of your life but is no longer serving you well (I think that part is pretty key). Don't for one minute feel like the bad guy because you are essentially parting ways with someone. Its how life works and for some reason its become taboo.

- Know Your Reason and Stick by It
No one 'ends' a friendship without a reason. And I think its important to realise that you simply won't connect with everyone. People change, its a human trait. So growing out of friendships is to be expected. I'm going to say it here; you don't owe your toxic friend an explantation. This one is a hard one for me to accept. But any explaining you do is you doing for them and the whole reason you are not giving so much of yourself to this friendship anymore is because it is not serving you well. Do what is right for you.

- Slow Distancing
Option a. Though considered cowardly by some, sometimes slowly distancing yourself is the best option. Just putting a gap between yourselves can help you reevaluate exactly what you want out of this friendship. When you are in a toxic friendship you can often time feel guilty for doing what is right by you. And I'm telling you right now to stop feeling that guilt. Though this person was your friend, no matter how long or how good they were, right now you are no longer meshing. It would be a disservice to both of you if you continue in it. And its important for you to do what is best for your mental health and well being. It can be considered cold, cowardly or even bitchy. But i think its courageous. Having the courage to leave a relationship you feel trapped in, forced to stay in or just not happy in is a ok.

- Tell Them How It Is
Option b. Often times seen to be the braver options it can end in tears just like the former. This option is a more 'rip off the bandaid' kinda one. Just get it over and done with. Its honest which is the nice part about it and doesn't leave your ex-friend guessing.

- Block them on Social Media
Just like you would do an ex partner its probably wise you stop stalking them on facebook. Its really not a good idea. And will make you feel all kinds of sad, shame and guilt. Not to mention the feeling that you're missing out on a friendship even though deep down inside you know this is the right move to make.

- Working Through The Pain
Even if you're the one who leaves a friendship; just like if you're the one who breaks up with another person there is still a whole mountain of pain that needs to be sifted through. And it can take some time. And by some I mean a lot. For me on the receiving end of having a friendship end I took a year to work through that pain. I've also experienced the other side where I 'phased out' a friendship and that was tough as well. Working through it involved working through layers of mistrust, pain and anger. Writing letters is something that helps me until I end up writing a letter that oozes of light feelings rather than anger. Some people say that the only way to move forward is to forgive. Its not that you are forgetting the pain. It is that you've lived through it and now you are moving on in your life. Allowing better things to come in. I think its so important to realise that working through the pain can take years. It can take months. And it is a lot of work in itself. So just keep chipping away at it.

Links

This is a good article on the Art of Charm which helps you see exactly what a toxic friend is, why its important to move forward and ways to do so. Probably my favourite one I read because it validated how i was feeling. It kinda acted like a big warm hug.

This article is another nice concise one. Plain and simple will help a gal out when she needs it.

What is your standpoint on breaking up with friends? Lets open that can of worms and get talkin!

Wednesday, 19 October 2016 Comments: 0

outfit journal style log

somewhat uniform

I brought this dress for my 2016 birthday from Somedays Lovin and since then its been on rotation weekly. Partly due to the fact I emptied out my wardrobe and only have one and a halfs week worth of wardrobe left. And partly because I love it. The colour is this rust I'm vibing with right now, and trying to incorporate more into my more streamlined wardrobe. And its kinda like a slip dress but also not. These photos were taken on a day trip down to hamilton gardens w/ Luke. I have to say these gardens may just be one of my favourite places. I know there are a lot of photos in this post, but tbh it was pretty dreamy. Too dreamy not to share.

CURRENT MOOD: Writing this at 2am in the morning bc trying to be ahead of my shit. But also thinking that there are so many photos in this post. And also aware that this week is so busy so I should really be sleeping.

DETAILS: Dress - Somedays Lovin via Princess Polly // shoes - converse // denim - the wharehouse

PHOTOGRAPHY: Luuuuuuke.

Monday, 17 October 2016 Comments: 0

make & create video

vegan choc chip cookies!

One thing I've been missing a lot being a vegan is cookies! So I set out to make some myself. It turns out I hit a really good recipe. Originally a non-vegan recipe (thanks Mum for passing it along to me) it was rather easy to veganise with the use of vegan butters, sugar and an egg replacer! Recipe below <3 I can tell you that these are the bomb dot com. And non vegans love them too!! Rave reviews from my flatmates, my boyfriend, my nana and my flatmates friends.

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1 cup vegan butter
3⁄4 cup white sugar
3⁄4 cup brown sugar
2 fake eggs (I used an egg replacer in powder form)
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 1⁄4 cups plain white flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups chocolate chips

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C.
2. Cream the butter , white and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Add the fake 'egg' mix into the sugar along with vanilla and combine.
3. In another bowl mix together the flour, baking soda and salt, then stir into creamed mixture.
4. Fold in the chocolate chunks. And roll into balls.
5. Bake until light brown, approximately 8 to 14 minutes. Let sit for 5 minutes and then transfer to rack to cool.

Friday, 14 October 2016 Comments: 0

D&M

Songs to empower: A playlist

It is no secret that I've struggled a bit lately and been stuck in a wee little rut. So today, incase you've been feeling this way too, I wanted to take the time to share with you some songs that have been making me feel like the bad ass babe I was born to be. Its actually a playlist called bad ass on my phone. I particularly like to crank the music while I'm driving to work and have a lil boogie in my car. No shame in that! And even if you do get caught singing along its only going to make the person who sees you smile! So imo its a win win. If you listen to them or have some empowering songs of your own put them in the comments below so we can build even better playlists to make us feel bad ass for days.

Side to Side by Ariana Grande Man have I thrashed this song. So much so that anytime it comes on my flatmates scream "its your song brit" as we all loudly (and somewhat badly) sing along to it. The meaning of the song? So sassy. But so good.

Pity Party by Melaine Martinez I did in fact sing "Its my party and I'll cry if I want to" at my two previous birthdays. So I've been enjoying this song a lot lately after Tara played it in my car a few weeks back. Bc it is my party (life) and I can damn well cry if I want to.

You Don't Own Me by Grace ft G-Eaxy from the Suicide Squad movie I quickly adopted this tune for myself. When I say I adopted the song, I mean that I fully embraced the song and any time it comes on I'll sing and dance to it. Even if I'm in a shoe store (it has happened before). This song makes me feel so good bc no one owns me.

7/11 by Beyonce I'm not too sure if its the video or the song but it just feels so raw and real to me. Beyonce is the ultimate in bad ass and real. And when I say bad ass I totally mean sticking to YOU and standing by who you are.

Diet Mountain Dew by Lana Del Rey Certainly was hard to just pick one song from lana bc her music has bad ass written all over it. If you need empowerment the album Born To Die is for you for sure.
Losers by The Weeknd The beat is insane. Honest. Any time it comes on without fail my limbs move in some way :) It makes me feel like I'm a bad ass rebel wearing (faux)leather.

Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader Less bad ass but here for the feel good vibes. Makes me want to dance every time. Makes me happy like I could do anything. One night driving home I listened to it over ten times on repeat. I listened to it again when I got inside the house and tried to make my boyfriend dance with me to it.

Wednesday, 12 October 2016 Comments: 0

D&M

How to get the most out of a 2 week mental break

I recently took two full weeks off work for the purpose of sleeping, crying, unpacking in my new space and unpacking the chaos that had cluttered my mind. It was a mental health week. The first time I had heard of a mental health day was way back in 2014 (lol ok not that long ago). It was when I was fresh out into the workplace and had never experienced the exhaustion that comes with mental stress and anxiety. It was not until this year; while I've been dealing with such exhaustion that I realised the importance of taking days off just for your mental well being.

When I returned to work at 9am last week I was far from ready and far from refreshed. But I had caught the burn out in the middle; rather than catching it too late. And thats why I encourage everyone and anyone to take time for YOU. Whether it is a week or one day; you need it. In todays world looking after yourself is so undervalued. Particularly as gen-y woman. We are constantly on the go, beating ourselves up for not doing enough or being enough or living enough. And you know what? It is so ok to take time to breath. More than anything I encourage it.

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WHEN AND WHY YOU SHOULD TAKE A BREAK

When the stress is starting to show and you feel as though you're beginning to crumble. When you reach a point of extreme apathy, you just don't care. When you're at that point when you get home from work (or anything) and have to take a nap because exhausted. Thats when you should take a mental health day. Generally you will know when you're starting to feel bad and the trick is to catch it before its too late.

Why should you take a break with the sole purpose of doing nothing? Because you need to offer yourself the time to recharge. It is time for your body and mind to rest so that you can do that whole 'life thing' well. Otherwise you could get yourself into a very bad space.

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HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF A 2 WEEK MENTAL BREAK

~ Allow yourself time to chill, nap and cry and damn it! Don't you dare feel guilty about it. If you don't work through those feelings they're not going to go anywhere.

~ Get outside and have adventures. I would highly recommend this. Rather than turning into a potato make sure you get outside and get active (I know, I know). But seriously a leisurely stroll outside can do wonders to your mood. So while you have the day off get out there and do it (after that nap of course).

~ Write a plan but be flexible. My first day off when I was sitting in my room all alone I panicked. Because I don't like being alone. And the thought of having two weeks ahead of me with no plans terrified me. So I wrote a wee plan. Fortunately my rocks (main friends) pulled through and filled my days with laughter.

~ Learn how to say NO and use your time doing the things you need to do. Its easy when people find out that you've taken some time off to ask you to do their chores. Learn how to say no, I can't today, I'm busy. As a side note I'm not very good at this.

~ Buy some flowers or treat yourself to something with the 'just because' reason. Because you DAMN WELL DESERVE A TREAT. So give one to yourself.

~ In short fill your days off doing the things you love, with the people you love and make sure you light up your life.

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WHAT DID I DO ON MY TWO WEEK MENTAL HEALTH DAY?

I set up my room and unpacked in my new lil space. I baked up a storm (because that is something that is so relaxing and calming to me nowadays). I did sweet little surprises for my friends bc that is what lights me up inside. I went on a beach picnic with Tara and it was so raw, lovely and connecting. I slept. I cried. I cried some more. I napped. I helped out with family things. Dylan had a birthday and a birthday party so that was fun. All my three main rocks together. I made midnight mash potato. Took my cousins to see a volcano and meet some sheep.Went iceskating at my lil cousins bday party. And a lamb showed up in my neighbours garden. We live in kingsland. It was confusing. I didn't get everything I wanted to do done. But the most important thing was that I got some rest. And my days were filled with recharging: be that napping and resting or getting out there and seizing the day.

I can not stress (ha ironic) enough how important taking 'mental healthy days' / love yourself days / breaks from life days really are. They are so freakin important and tho not necessarily the norm in todays culture it is something that should be. Have you ever considered taking a mental health day or have you in the past? Let me know in the comments below! Lets get a discussion going.

Monday, 10 October 2016 Comments: 0

style log

intimates & delicates

I never really understood the importance of intimates until this year. I fully underestimated how a curated collection of bras could make me feel until I find myself so inundated with them myself and my boobs will be happy for the next year. In very simple terms a good selection of delicates can make you feel empowered, sexy (bc yes you are) and the bad ass babe you were meant to be. Today I wanted to share with you a few of my current faves. (above is a new number from glassons. Featuring a front closing clip and a semi sports style in a pretty minty green. $25)

Just because they're delicate and meant to make you feel great doesn't mean they have to come with a hefty price tag. Its like the mainstream stores have heard our demand and are making these daring delicates available to us at a snap of our fingers. The minty green glassons one was under $30 nzd. And the one below comes from Cotton On Body. I got it on sale for under $20.

The last two bras I want to note are of a higher price point. My Heidi Klum bra was brought as a set in a 'treat yoself and feel damn good about your body' moment. I got a discount instore after showing them the price difference online. Cheeky I know. But do ask for it. And the one below is from a NZ brand; ManiCami. I snapped this piece after I saw Tara got one (#fashionInspo). It looks so good on. And the great thing about it is that you know it is well made!

While delicates are something (sometimes) only you will see I think they're vital to every girls wardrobe. There is nothing that makes you feel more like a grown ass woman than wearing lingerie that represents you to a tee. Whether anyone sees them or not, intimates are darling, daring and most important made for YOU to feel great in your own skin.

Wednesday, 5 October 2016 Comments: 0

D&M

magazines of note

While magazines seem to have become something of the past there are a few of us still out there who love to flick through a curated collection of thoughts. Today I wanted to share with you some magazines of note: magazines I've read and liked .

~ THE MESSY HEADS ~
The Messy Heads is a magazine all about empowering geny woman. Trying to get across to the younger audience that they are so much more than just their image. That the glossy images aren't what you should be striving for; instead fully embrace and live your messy and complicated life. Fuelled with self-love and focused on self love the magazine is a keeper for sure.

~ TOGETHER JOURNAL ~
While I am not getting married any time soon Together Journal has very quickly found a place in my heart. During a grocery shop after attending an interview for a weddings magazine (which let me tell you ended in tears over pay) Together Journal somehow ended up in my basket. A quick text to my boyfriend that afternoon read: don't panic. But I'm reading a wedding magazine. As I lounged about lapping up the beautiful stories, drooled over cakes and romantic 'I dos'. Its the wedding magazine for hispters and urban dwellers and if you're looking for inspo (soon to be wed or not) this one is for you.

~ LUNCH LADY ~
Certainly not the target demographic for this magazine (I think its actually for Mums) but that didn't stop me from making Tara traipse back to the other side of the mall after an antagonising hour of mental decision making (We also went back to Kmart so i could buy a popcorn bag). The magazine is made up of beautiful well thought out spreads; where graphic design, content and photography all meet in a unique and neat package. Content wise its about food and family but the cool spread about different childrens names and the great styling really got me.

~ YEN ~
I am a long time reader of YEN purely because it was different to the mainstream magazines around at the time. In their words its a magazine for smart, creative cookies who love to be inspired. And that is exactly it. Beautiful pages filled with articles, cool things to buy and photography I've purchased this magazine time and time again. Its a womens lifestyle magazine but for hispters, indies and urban folk.

~ RUSSH ~
While I'm very new to the magazine Rush; picking it up last week at the airport, I wanted to mention it here. Its an independant fashion magazine filled with beautiful photography, a seperate section for men and topics that delve deeper than the fashion world. In their words (not mine) "Russh reflects the way intelligent women approach fashion and beauty to create their own distinctive style.

If you guys have any magazine recommendations leave them down below bc I'll hop on them for sure. Also this weeks video is about Books I've read and would recommend, all with a dose of self love and self help on the side. Lots of love to ya folk! See ya on Thursday :D

Monday, 3 October 2016 Comments: 0

D&M video

reconnecting

Its surely has been a wee while since i've been around these parts. So today I wanted to catch up and reconnect with you guys with a chat video :) (image via tumblr)

Saturday, 1 October 2016 Comments: 0

video

Living in limbo - vlog

I made a vlog! About a week in my life. Filled with dogs and stress. AND MY NEW APARTMENT.

Monday, 12 September 2016 Comments: 0

D&M

things to do when you can't sleep

I used to sleep like a log. One time when I was in my early teens our house fire alarm went off in the wee hours of the morning. I slept through it. Even with my mum shaking my bed to wake me up. The past month though I've done a complete flip with my sleep schedule. I've been sleeping about 6 hours max and that is broken. Waking up on average five times during the night. It sucks don't get me wrong. I've been trying to sleep for the past three hours. But here I am, hot drink in hand wide awake on my mums sofa because tossing and turning just wasn't cutting it. If you're in the same sleepless boat or wide-awake night train here is my list of things to do when you just can't sleep.

1. Quit tossing and turning or lying there trying to count sheep. Get up and make you a warm hot drink. I always used to see this in american movies, when someone couldn't sleep they'd get some warm milk. That isn't my drink of choice. Tonight I've got a lemsip because as well as being sleepless I'm sick. Hello nasty ugly cough. But a nice herbal tea will do. Make it a sleep tea for extra chances at sleep success.

2. Get snuggly and warm. Grab blankets and swaddle yourself in them as a mother would with her new born baby. It works on them it'll work on a full grown human too.

3. Read. Reading is a sure way to get those eyes droopy and that is our end goal right? Pick up that book by your bed side table and give it a read. Paired with your hot (hopefully non-caffeinated) drink you'll be nodding off to sleep in no time.

4. Do something productive so that you feel better about 'wasting' your time in the middle of the night. I know we want to put our brain to sleep but if it is wide awake and won't shut up what is the harm of using it to do something productive (cough cough, like write a blogpost about sleepless nights). Tiring out your brain is so effective. You could also bake cookies or wash dishes. As long as you are quiet I reckon your house mates will wake up happy when they see you made a surprise.

5. Important to note: If you are trying to sleep don't reply to your messages. Engaging in convo is the opposite of what you are wanting to achieve. Distance yourself from your phone because that thing and sleep just don't mesh.

6. If you're already nodding off to push you right over the edge do something you find relaxes you. My personal fav is sound makers. They always have been and always will be. I've used them to help get my busy chaotic brain to sleep since before I was in double digits. And it works a treat. But find what works for you.

If nothing else works say goodbye to your sleep and hello to being the biggest night owl / day zombie there is out. I feel like thats me right now HA. I'm going to try get a few more hours in before I need to be up at the crack of dawn. What do you do to help you sleep? I sure need some help on this one.

Saturday, 27 August 2016 Comments: 0

urbnwild