urbnwild: 2015

D&M

loneliness

I’ve never felt this way before

I never knew it could feel this intense.

But sitting in this dark room

I think its time I confess

The darkness seeps in my blood

it feels like I cant escape

Loneliness I cant describe

encompasses my fate

My world is perfect from a view

But to me its really not.

This feeling is all consuming

Ive lost the fucking plot.

My eyes they sting with hot fresh tears

As I cry myself to sleep

I wake up the next day

And all I do is hit repeat.

Its easier than trying to explain

What goes on inside my head

Put on a fake smile

take it off when im in bed.

Day to day life bores me

It actually pains me to tears

But lets all pretend to be happy

And live through our stupid, silly fears.

///

bit rusty on the poetry tbh
perhaps i'll delete this in the morning
might just be a tad too personal for me

Monday, 28 December 2015 Comments: 0

video

a week with brit - ep 15

Friday, 20 November 2015 Comments: 0

style log

greyscale

Outfit from nearly a month ago. wearing my trusy raybans (heart face emoji), good ole grey coat and a dress i've worn to death.

current mood: at work browsing urban outfitters #dangerous

outfit details: ring - family heirloom (was great grans) // coat - shein // dress - little one (stocked at wild pair) // jumper - kmart // brogues - hannahs

photos: mother dearest

Monday, 16 November 2015 Comments: 0

D&M

a poem

just a bit of poetry i wrote as an angsty teen. Written around the time I had an eating disorder and struggled with perfectionism.

Ive come to realise that perfectionism is something I've struggled with for a long time. And more recently I've come to realise that perfectionism is stupid, unattainable and an idiotic dream. Perfectionism simply doesn't exist. Its the imperfections that we love.

nobody understands me

nobody knows whats up

nobody realises that this skeletal body

just isnt enough

everyone thinks im pretty

everyone thinks im kind

everyone thinks im perfect

i guess their just all blind

sometimes i feel elated

sometimes i'm sad

sometimes life can get be down

and sometimes i am glad

im riding on a pedestal

i dont want to look down

high expectations i set myself

lift me off the ground

i may be perfect to others

but im not perfect ot me

im just one of the other numerous girls

who dont want to think, feel or see.

I've never really shared something so personal like this online. Kinda weird. But hey. Its the one poem i've kept written on a scrap of paper all these years.

Friday, 13 November 2015 Comments: 0

style log

feelin ease

Caitlin (who pens one of my favourite blogs and who is getting a tattoo with me this month!!) worded things perfectly tonight. And said "making my way through the murky waters which is my mind". I feel like I've been secretly wadding in those waters all year. Feeling a little lost, a lot confused and a little less happier than usual. I'm not too sure what happened. But overnight I felt better. A new form of motivation for life kinda took over. And let me tell you it feels good.

You'll never geuss what I did today?! I joined a GYM. I used to be a huge gym bunny through highschool and uni but for all the wrong reasons. Today I went with Anna and it was cool! She metaphorichally killed me but right now at 1020 at night I feel more ALIVE. I sat in an hour and a halfs worth of traffic to gym with her. But it was oh so worth it. And ended up with Oreo flavoured protein shake (win) before I headed off to grab a quick coffee with my girl Tara and that was also cool! We went to Shakey in New Market (who knew?! Tara did obvs. I didn't) and just talked for a while. READ: I distracted her from her thesis. SORRRYYYY. But also not cos I like talking to ya. The moral of the story is fill your days with people you love and LIVE a damn good life.

I feel like I've been waffling so quick run down on what I'm wearing. I felt pretty edgy boho tbh. And I'll never not love my vintage denim. On the hunt for more so if anyone knows hollah ok. The dress is one I've had for years and its just a little bit magical isnt it? And if you put any outfit with a pair of black boots you'll instantly feel like a bad ass babe.

PS. Caitlin. Its happening. THE TATTOO IS HAPPENING.

details: jacket - thrifted // jumper - kmart // necklaces - dotti // slip - trelise cooper (circa 2000) // rings - various // boots - number one shoes
photos: mummsy! OH DUCKY YOU DID DO A GOOD JOB. shoo girl, youre a photographer. love you long time.

Wednesday, 4 November 2015 Comments: 0

fieldnotes

fairy falls photo journal

What started off as a semi-joke of a conversation at This That where the art was focused around the forest at the time ended up in a day trip to fairy falls. About 5 weeks ago Caitlin and I set out on a mini adventure to get out of the city and headed in the direction of Riverhead Forest. Our hopes and expectations were quickly diminished when we realised Riverhead Forest isn't a public reserve. After a quick stop at the gas station for chocolate we headed in the direction of the Waitakere Ranges. Driving along the winding roads with the windows down and the smell of nature was the most uplifting and disconnecting/reconnecting experience. We stumbled across a sign that read Fairy Falls, parked the car and with nothing but our cameras went on a baby hike and explored. It was beautiful. These are the photos.

There is something about the colour of the water in these photos that makes my heart skip a beat. Its magical. After Fairy Falls we explored the ranges further. Heading to the information centre, doing a loop and stopping at a cute park for a picnic lunch. The day was energising and uplifting. It was also captured through video and on instagram.

Caitlin did the most beautiful photo series on her blog. Part one and two here. That I would highly recommend you read! BECAUSE GIFS AND ITS BEAUTIFUL! I truly believe its one of my favourite posts of all time on the internet and she captured the essence of that day in a way that i can't explain.

Monday, 2 November 2015 Comments: 0

D&M

disconnect to reconnect

You may've noticed my lack of posts around these parts of late. And to say it was needed *cue awkwardly terrible British accent* is a bit of an understatement governor. In fact the last time I wrote something was in September and even then it was a post about a blanket (a cool one admittedly). I needed to disconnect in order to reconnect.

(photo of Caitlin @ fairy falls. post coming soon)

There is a lot of talk in the social media cobwebs about what it (social media) really is: a constructed display of perfection. And I've got to be honest and tell you that I found myself caught in a game of numbers. Posting just because. And nothing more than that. At some point I lost the drive and passion I once had for content creation. I never felt valued, valid, good enough. I never felt like I added to the world. And thats because I wasn't. I wasn't making a change. Instead I was churning out unoriginal content to stick to a schedule that didn't align with who I really am.

Life is what you make of it and I've not been making anything. I've just been plodding along. Rinse and repeat when in reality we are all so much better than that. After practically a month and a half off (or maybe half a year off from feeling inspired by the content I make) i feel more aligned and attuned to myself. More focused on what i want to add to the world rather than what I want to gain. I'm sitting here drinking tea outside in the dark of the night feeling a sense of ease even though life is anything but. Its a big complicated mess but its my mess and I'm ok with it.

As an update on where I am the song Lowlife by That Poppy is my current jam. I've been eating way too many sour patch kids. Not running fullstop. My grey roots are stronger than ever. I dressed up as a deer for halloween and DIDNT take outfit photos. And I'm going to join a gym. More than any of that today I'm chuffed. Well pleased. I'm ok. Because I've got this new sense of readiness. A new found feeling. And I'm going to take my life, live it and be fucking radical. Because I can. And because I choose too.

HAPPY NOVEMBER YOU CRAZY KIDS.

Sunday, 1 November 2015 Comments: 0

video

october favourites

Friday, 30 October 2015 Comments: 0

video

a week with brit - ep 013

Thursday, 22 October 2015 Comments: 0

video

smoothie bowl basics

Saturday, 10 October 2015 Comments: 0

video

September Favourites

Tuesday, 29 September 2015 Comments: 0

style log

90s kid

Is there any other item in your wardrobe that is as cool as a blanket that is acceptable to wear to work? The simple answer is no. Nope, there is not. Because its like a blanket, that you can wear to work. A BLAN-KET. Work becomes so much more snuggly and comfy when you're wearing a blanket.

This outfit gives me 90s come hippie vibes and I've really no way to explain why. Except maybe the necklace combo I've got going on. I've hardly taken the moon one off because i like it so much. Whats been happening in your world? I myself have been a slacker as I have been these past few weeks. Ever feel like you hit a brick wall??? IN EVERYTHING? Thats me!! I've only been for one run this week!! And (gasp) no video tomorrow! INSPIRATION PLEASE COME BACK TO ME.

outfit details: blanket thing - cotton on (gift) // dress - glassons // shoe - converse (gift) // necklaces - dotti
photo credit: the rad dylan conrad.

Friday, 25 September 2015 Comments: 0